Almost Thanksgiving....Impossible!

Where does the time go...do you remember when you were younger (okay it takes a bit of effort, but I can remember a few things from back that far!) and time seemed to tick tock slowly by....holidays seemed to never get here, summer vacation was never long enough. Now, every time I turn around it has been another year. I feel like I just finished last year's holiday season. I wish I could figure out a way to slow things down. I want to enjoy each season, each holiday, the everyday moments in each day, but so often things are just a blur. This is something I plan on focusing on this coming year...to embrace the moments, both good and bad, and enjoy the precious gift of watching my son grow up into a fine young man.

In light of my effort to embrace everything in my life, I want to do a couple of lists. The first is an "I miss" list. I've grieved this year over my hearing loss. Even though I haven't been able to hear well for several years, this year I pretty much lost the rest of it. Plus, in previous years I had other things that I had to focus on so I find I hadn't really dealt with the loss. Just like any loss in our lives, there is grief that comes with it and the sooner we deal with it, the sooner we begin to heal.


I Miss...

• Hearing Doss' voice...especially since he's at the age where his voice is changing. I will never have heard his new deeper voice. I could always imagine his voice up until now because I can remember what he sounded like when he was younger.
  
• Music....oh my I miss music. Music was always a catalyst for worshipping the Lord. It just touched my heart in ways nothing else can, and I felt so close to the Lord during the music as a result. I miss being able to turn on fun music to get me going while cleaning the house. I miss hearing Christmas Carols this time of year when I am out driving and running errands.
  
• Being able to eaily multi-task. I find I can only do one activity at a time, and not even that if I need to talk during it. I used to scrapbook with friends, but now if I do it, I don't get any scrapbooking done since I have to look up and focus on the person's face when they are talking. If I am doing the dishes, I can't casually visit with someone sitting at the dining room table. I miss the overall ease of doing any activity and being able to communicate without effort.
  
• Being able to talk to my sister on the phone! Years ago Julie and I rang up MANY high phone bills through our multiple calls each month. It was nothing for us to talk two hours....over important, critical matters :) It stinks that now that we have the cellular world and we could talk whenever (even during the day!) and for us long as we would like, without worry of the cost, that we can't do it. I miss when I am excited I can't pick up the phone and share it with her. I miss when I am hurting I can't talk to her about it. Of course we do email and chatting, but there is still a loss from this. You can tell so many things from a person's voice that are hard to know just by reading what someone has to say.
  
• Being able to have a conversation without stressing out that I am going to say something wrong or silly because I didn't understand what was said. I dread that look I get when I say something in response to a question I heard wrong, and the person looks at me like I am either losing it or am very slow. I get now where the deaf and dumb expression comes from...though I don't like it. Because communication is so difficult, I avoid a lot of it and if not I struggle and miscommunicate many times....making me not seem very intelligent.
  
• hearing the doorbell ring, my dogs barking, the phone ringing, the sound of kids playing outside, hearing laughter...
  

Many things, but I have also gained many things as a result of my hearing loss. My next post will be what I am thankful for as a result of losing my hearing. The Lord is faithful to give us the grace we need, and He has done so abundantly and given me such joy in the midst of it.

Until we meet again...