Sunday, September 27, 2009

Unexpected Endings

Whenever I thought about possibly going deaf, it always seemed a remote possibility…couldn’t really happen to me. The further I got from my NF2 diagnosis, it became even more distant. Then I lost my right ear’s hearing through the operation…but still…my left ear’s hearing was outstanding. I still remember though almost the exact moment I lost a chunk of my “good” ear’s hearing. I was standing out in the garage for a sale we had that morning, and I realized my ears felt stuffy and I wouldn’t be able to understand the customers. At that point I thought it was just a cold or allergies, nothing more. Then over the next few days it didn’t improve. Oh I could still hear some. I could even hear voices, but I could not understand what was being said.

It happened during a stressful time in my life anyway so this certainly didn’t help things. I will always be thankful though that I lost my hearing in gradual phases. The Lord was so gracious in allowing me time to adapt. It gave me time to adjust a little each time I dropped to the next level and to grieve the changes it caused as a result.

This year after I had my hearing test and never had to push the button when I heard the beep…because I heard never heard a beep. After looking at the test results the doctor asked me if my hearing aid did me any good. I assured him it at least helped me hear when my dogs were barking that someone was at the door. My hearing couldn’t be so bad that a hearing aid wouldn’t even help at all, could it?

A couple of weeks after that appointment I was honest with myself. It made no difference whether my hearing aid was in or not, I couldn’t hear anything going on around me…no matter how loud it was. I decided it was time to quit wearing my hearing aid. Silence though was not an option. That’s when I learned being deaf wasn’t about no sound. Now instead of voices, laughter, dogs barking…I hear whistles, bells, trains…all kinds of “fun” noises. Sometimes I can even manage to make a song out of the noises, to at least make the tinnitus less annoying. The worst though is when it sounds like someone is singing or playing a piano out of key! That grates on my nerves after “listening” to it all day long. The noises change or get louder when I move my eyes. The other day the tinnitus almost sounded like a bell choir. Well when I moved my eyes different directions the pitch changed. If anyone saw me they would have thought I was insane, but I started moving my eyes back and forth and all around. It was like getting to hear a bell choir playing a song again. Whether it is a roar, a screech, static or a bell, I have learned these are the Sounds of Silence.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

What a Weekend!

I told my son last night that this weekend the two events that changed my life the most are celebrated. Today is my son's 13th birthday, and of course tomorrow is Easter, the celebration of my Lord's conquering sin and taking my punishment. Wow, that's a lot to honor and celebrate in a two-day period.

I hope everyone has a meaningful and loved Easter!

Until we meet again...

Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm still here...

although you wouldn't know it by my lack of posts on here! I seem to keep waiting for life to slow down so I can catch up on would think by now that I would have learned that doesn't happen, and I need to figure out a way to get everything done regardless.

I am a list maker. In the recent past, I have struggled with not completing my list or it being outdated by the time I can get to it. I was trying to be diligent and stick to one task until it was completed and then to move on. I had a lightbulb moment in realizing that does not work for me. I thought of that saying about keeping all of the plates in the air spinning. If I spent all of my time twirling one plate, then the others would crash. If I rotate between them, they may not spin as quickly...but for the most part they will keep spinning. Now I am trying to work on a task for a certain amount of time, move on to the next plate and so on. I try to not have too many plates in the air at once, since tasks do need to be completed at some point...I find Doss is a little picky and insistent on having clothes to wear...pre-teens! ;) I rotate between a few, and as I finish one off add another one in. During the weekday I mainly switch between work items, and then later in the day focus more on home items, but they do intermix to a certain degree.

This manner also lets me pace myself physically. I try to alternate something more physical with something where I can sit down. For instance, I will fill some orders and then enter product in the store. This may not be rocket scientist stuff, but it is a new way of doing things for me...based on new situations and limitations.

Oops, I am about to drop a plate, so I had better switch to the next one. :)

Until we meet again...